Hate Myself Around You

[Verse 1]

You’re laughing in your thrift store coat

I’m counting tiles on the kitchen floor

Your hand brushes by my shoulder

I turn to stone

You want more

You tell me secrets like I matter

I nod and drink them down like rain

You glow in every ugly hallway

I’m chewing on my own name

[Pre-Chorus]

You say my name like it’s nothing

Like it doesn’t burn straight through

I’d carve it out of my chest

If it’d make me less like me to you

[Chorus]

I hate myself around you

Every word tastes wrong

Every joke falls crooked

Every smile feels gone

You deserve some perfect stranger

Not this walking open wound

I hate myself around you

But I still orbit you

[Verse 2]

You call at 2 a.m. again

He left you stranded in the rain

I drive too fast to come and get you

Pretend I’m not enjoying the pain

Your mascara on my hoodie

A trophy I can’t let go

You’re sobbing

Saying “I’m so stupid”

And I agree

But I’m the joke

[Pre-Chorus]

You say I’m “such a good person” (yeah)

Like a brother

Like a saint

You don’t see the way I’m shaking

Trying not to say your name

[Chorus]

I hate myself around you

Every truth stays sealed

Every touch held back

Every feeling concealed

You deserve some fearless sunrise

Not this permanent monsoon

I hate myself around you

But I still orbit you

[Bridge]

I could tell you everything

Wreck the room

Tear down this dream

Or I could stay your favorite ghost

Always there

Never seen

Pick a poison

Pick a side

Either way I lose it all

So I’ll stand here in your doorway

Shrinking

Six feet tall (hey!)

[Chorus]

I hate myself around you

Every nerve on fire

Every breath gets tighter

Every step in the mire

You deserve a different ending

I keep rewriting my excuse

I hate myself around you

And I can’t cut myself loose